February 15
well well it is now Feb of 09 and not sure if any news is much better than last Feb of 08 only thing I can say is I have got out of my shell a bit and met up with an ole friend of many years whom I have spend a lot of time with lately but like everything in my life it never seems to be with complete contentment as there is always a twist somewhich way and thus leaves me with some kind of discontentment and wondering if I ever will feel complete and whole ,,,,,,,,,no matter how nice how funny how sweet and how attentive their always seems to be something missing .....ut at least my mind is somewhat rid of the creep that put me in this state ........thinking to myself..... than something good comes of everything no matter had serious a new situation...... so life goes on...... but , its still a mystery and the unknown is very scary for me as the trust and the desire to forget and let my guard down is and always will be still there........ mabey even worst than before because more than ever I am afraid to trust .... not that I don't have my faults, I do .....and , it's a chore for others to deal with...... my damaged mind and ability to take anything at face value and live for today.......wish I could ,,,,,,life would be so much simplier for me and for the persons who have to deal with me even more so........I found my skates getting them sharpened this week did some kind of cooking and invited company at last and went walking with my friend and at least had a few dates which I vowed I would never do so I guess moving on is not exactly cancelled out for me and what will be the fate of my old new friend will remain to be seen..... I will guess that it will not go that far but I sure hope will end in a friendship rather than how my seven year relatioship ended with hate hurt and sleepless nights for over one year and that situation is still burning but now only smolthering so mabey peace is near....... and here is the reason my friend showed me with these wise words of wisdom ..... told me if I did this mabey peace and good things will happen to me as god does not give peace unless you learn to forgive....... his words ...... YOU MUST LEARN TO FORGIVE AND YOU WILL RECEIVE PEACE AND HAPPINESS BUT NOT UNTIL YOU LEARN TO DO THIS AND REVENGE IS HIS AND THAT IS WHAT HE TEACHES..... REVENGE IS NOT YOURS...... FORGIVNESS .....IS .......ANYONE WHO HURTS OTHERS THEY HAVE TO BE SICK.... SO , FORGIVE AND LEAVE THE REST UP TO HIM ABOVE TO DEAL WITH...... REVENGE IF ANY IS HIS . ....possibly those words make better sense than the anger I have been feeling and I am trying to do just that...... not really right where I need to be with it .....but, I am getting better at it I THINK.......NOW MAGGIE NEEDS TO GO HAVE NOT WRITTEN FOR SOME TIME feels good to be back here and oh did I say that it would be so much easier if I was a syscik or a mind reader but again that will never happen either will it ....byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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